Imagine you're walking around in a protective bubble. Sounds a bit sci-fi, right? But this bubble is your personal space, your sphere of influence. Now, what happens when you let that bubble collapse?
Ever wonder what to do with your hands during a high-stakes meeting or presentation? 👋 You're not alone. It's a common question I get in my workshops.
Ever had one of those days where nothing seems to go right? You fluff a presentation or miss a sales target. It's easy to get down on yourself, but here's a different perspective: embrace the failure.
Ever find yourself stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts? You're not alone. We all have those limiting beliefs that hold us back, whether it's thinking we're not good enough, smart enough, or charismatic enough to achieve our goals. But here's the kicker: these beliefs are often self-imposed.
January is a time when many of us start thinking about what we want from the year ahead of us. What do we want to achieve? Where do we want to go? What do we want to do? The statistics surrounding New Years Resolution’s are diabolical and for most people by the time they read this post many of those plans will have fallen by the wayside. There is lots we could talk about regarding goal setting and habit formation and there is a great body of work around this by people like Tony Robbins and Charles Duhigg. However I wonder if it is more useful to turn our thinking to a more fundamental question. Rather than asking “what do we want to do?”, what would happen if instead we asked ourselves “who do we want to be?”? Instead of planning to run three times a week or make 25 sales calls a day, what if we focused on being a runner or being a sales superstar?
We use identity statements all the time but often without much thought. “I’m a father”. “I’m an HR Business Partner”. “I’m Senior Vice President of Sales EMEA”. They might be useful labels but in reality they don’t tell us much about what the role entails. And therein lies their downfall and at the same time their shining beauty. Used in the right way, these identity statements present a huge opportunity. We get to choose. We get to decide how we play the part. Rather than asking ourselves if we are capable of fulfilling the role, we can start to think about how we are going to fulfil it in our own authentic way.
When I was training to be an actor one of the crucial steps to creating a character was drawing up a list of characteristics. You had to decided what the character was like. Was he brave? Was he smart? Was he naive? These qualities then informed the way in which you played the part. In simple terms, the sort of energy the character approached a situation with was dictated by these characteristics. A confident character enters a room in a very different way to a timid one. When we take time to define our roles, we can choose our characteristic which in turn help to shape our outcomes. You get very different results if you focus on being a committed, powerful and dynamic athlete, rather than just attempting to go to the gym three times a week.
So, instead of writing resolutions this year, I’ve defined the roles I want to play in my business and personal life and for each of those roles I have chosen at least three characteristics. Two weeks into January and I’m making progress in all areas. It’s less about ticking boxes and working to complete isolated activities and more about taking a holistic approach to the sort of person I want to be and the impact I want to have on the world. The roles are helping me to focus my attention and not get distracted by shiny objects and the characteristics are helping me bring the right kind of energy to my activities. The added bonus is that if I miss a workout or succumb to a biscuit with my cup of tea I can look for other ways to fulfil my chosen role rather than beating myself up for falling off the wagon and failing in my chosen task. After all, no matter what role we decide to play, we’re only human and our failures as well as our success are what make us who we are.
It’s been a hectic few months. I’m not complaining at all. I’ve had the pleasure of training some amazing delegates and speaking at some brilliant events and now it’s time for a rest. I’m taking next week off and I can’t wait! Of course I’m looking forward to a few lie-ins and the thought of not checking my emails is very appealing but I’m most excited about the extended opportunity to connect – with myself, with my loved ones and with my environment. It might sound a bit fluffy but connection is so important for our wellbeing and happiness and it’s a fundamental ingredient for high performance.
It All Starts With You
It may sound selfish, however, the key to being truly connected is time for yourself. If you’re not in touch with your own sense of purpose, your values and your emotions, then it’s impossible to make anything more than a superficial connection with those around you. If you want to function at a higher level, you have to be in deep connection with the things you are trying to achieve. If what you are doing doesn’t make you want to jump out of bed in the morning, then it’s unlikely that you’ll stick to the plan when temptations or opportunities for procrastination present themselves.
Now don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to love every little task you do, you just have to understand how each step you are taking is part of the overall journey you have chosen to embark on. I spent a good chunk of yesterday going through the business accounts. If I’m honest it’s the part of being an entrepreneur that I enjoy least. However, I know that if I want to succeed in my mission of helping people reconnect with the spoken word, I need to have a viable business that makes money and being on top of the numbers is an essential part of that.
Next week I plan to carve out some quality time each morning to focus on the bigger picture and prepare myself for the exciting challenges that lie ahead. I find that the knock on effect of this is that once I’ve had my “thinking time” I can be much more present and connected with my family. I get to really enjoy the time we spend together without getting distracted by the “work noise” that pops into my head. I’m the first to admit that I often find it difficult to switch off – I love what I do – so working in this way allows me to stay connected to all parts of my life by simply choosing where I place my focus. And I don’t just do this during the holidays. Whenever possible I start the day with planning time and some headspace, so that by the time I reach the office or the training room I am ready to hit the ground running.
There’s Always Time
One of the biggest objections I hear when I talk with people about the importance of connection is “I don’t have time”. We tend to wake up in the morning and get straight on the treadmill of life. We spend our work day moving between meetings, phone calls and emails without taking the time to breathe. Not only do we fail to make time for ourselves, we fail to make time for others too. We tend to see our interactions with colleagues and customers as transactional rather than transformational. When we do this we miss a massive opportunity.
The old adage that time is our only finite resource is often overused. What’s vital to remember though is that we are free to choose how we use it. If you had to find 10 minutes in your day to do something of “life or death” importance, you would. Of course you would also have to let something else slip to do it - that goes without saying. So what we’re really talking about is not a lack of available time but our choice of priorities. What value do you place on connection and what are the benefits of making it non-negotiable? It might be easier to have superficial “yes” or “no” conversations with colleagues and team members but what could be gained by going beneath the surface and working for deeper understanding? Getting out from behind your desk at lunchtime and seeing the world around you will create infinitely more opportunities and spark infinitely more ideas than eating a sandwich at your desk hunched over Facebook. We must take responsibility for creating space in our life. No one else can do it for us.
So, whether you need to focus on connecting with your purpose or connecting with those around you I encourage you to take some time-out this week. Are you sure you don’t have 10 minutes?...
I love learning and personal development. The bookshelves in my office are crammed with books on goal setting, productivity, creating successful habits and various other “lofty” topics. I have an Amazon Wishlist containing 164 business books I would like to read and my Kindle is littered with half completed manuscripts that I have mined for pertinent content and then cast aside. My problem isn’t appetite for knowledge, it’s retention. I have discovered that whilst I am digesting new information at a rate of knots, I am failing to hang on to the majority of it. I thought I was “OK” at remembering stuff. The reality is, I am not! I have never thought of my ability to learn as an issue but as I work hard to take my life and business to the next level, to push the boundaries of what I think I am capable of, I realise that I need to get some help, I need to develop some new skills. So, I’ve enrolled myself on a SuperLearner course and I’m learning how to rewire my brain to help me remember more and increase my reading speed. I’m determined to make a dent in that massive reading list!
It’s easy to go through life being “OK”, to stay within our comfort zone. The reality is however that if we want to grow, if we want to achieve our dreams, our New Year’s Resolutions, if we want to reach our full potential we have to push for more. We have to move past “OK” and aim for greatness. In my work as a trainer and a coach I meet so many people who say they’re “OK” at communication, that their presentation skills are “fine”, “not something I need to work on”. If I film them presenting and ask them to watch their performance, suddenly the reality is very different. Very quickly they come to realise that something that hadn’t seemed like a problem before, is actually holding them back from what they were trying to achieve. They realise that they don’t currently have the level of skill necessary to consistently win the pitch, inspire the team, get the promotion or whatever else it is they are looking to do. It’s not that they’re bad, it’s just at best they’re “OK”.... The moment they realise that “OK” isn’t good enough, they are able to move forward. Awareness is the key.
As human being’s we’re quick to defend ourselves, to protect ourselves from criticism. We don’t like to make ourselves vulnerable. However, unless we can be truly objective and honest about our current situation, we will find it almost impossible to achieve our goals.
I’m bad at remembering stuff and I’m a pretty slow reader. I am learning skills to change that. What’s holding you back and what are you going to do about it?
Keep shining!
Dominic
